he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
