What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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