it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
