remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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