So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
