You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
