Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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