that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize