Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
