i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
