Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
