Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
