my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
