Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
