someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize