I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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