I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize