Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
