I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
