He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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