She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
