Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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