Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
