If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's always time for handjobs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
