My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
