I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize