wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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