no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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