is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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