Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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