you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
