You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize