You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
