he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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