Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
