no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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