...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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