so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
