You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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