My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
