your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
