I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
