i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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