You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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