I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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