i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How's work?
Spinning.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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