He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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