you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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