Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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