I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
