HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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