She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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