I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
