she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
