Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize