you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
