I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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