well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
