I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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