i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
