But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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