he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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