Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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