and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Michael Bay diarrhea
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
