The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am one with the molecules
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
