i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
