Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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