Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize