It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
