I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
