thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FUCK WHALES
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