I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
