She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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