you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
