I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
