im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
