im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
