and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
