I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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