That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
