possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I could fuck to npr.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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